Random thoughts...

I am feeling much better today, just very exhausted and still coughing a little...I have to take deep breaths periodically and hold it to try and get the remainder fluid out of my lungs.

I feel like we have defeated our earth baby's life-challenger and my angel baby's life-taker. I just cannot believe that the septum was taking up 3/4 the space in my uterus. It divided it into 2 spaces, meaning there was only 1/8 of space on each side. And the septum came all the way down to the opening at the cervix. That is a lot of space for that thing, and very little space for my babies. There is very little, if any, blood supply on the septum, so if any part of the pregnancy implants on it, there is no chance for survival. The doctor explained to me how when I was forming in the womb, the uterus starts as 2 parts and combines into one. Mine didn't completely fuse on the inside, leaving the septum. It looks very similar to the bicornuate uterus, because it has 2 separate parts, which is why it is usually mistaken for the bicornuate uterus. The difference is that the bicornuate uterus doesn't completely fuse on the outside either, making it completely heart-shaped, whereas the septate uterus is like a heard inside a circle, if that makes sense. Lyla was occupying my right side of my uterus and I bled from my left side at 13 weeks, which the doctor said could have very well been that side of my uterus shedding it's lining, essentially having a period. When I was pregnant with my little butterfly, he was more in the center, on my cervix, really having no room at all, and both sides of my uterus may have been trying to shed it's lining, causing way too much blood, and no room to get out, and ended up pushing out my little angel. Each dr has a different theory as to what it could have been causing the bleeding around 12 and 13 weeks. It's hard for them to know because it is so unknown. I just hope that taking out the septum, removes any future complications. I am holding on to every last bit of hope I've got.

Having children should never ever be taken for granted. Each one is a blessing.

I am so thankful for all of the wonderful doctors that have taken care of me and my family. I think God sent us to Houston knowing what kinds of challenges we would be facing, so that we could be handled by some of the best doctors in this country. Doctors are kind of like parents, except they have a lot of children to look after. They might not always be right or nice or have good things to tell you, but they try their best and take care of you as best as they know how to. I can imagine how stressful it can be at times and how many people you have to care for and worry about.

I am also thankful again for everyone's kind thoughts and words and for those of you taking the time to read this. Initially, I created this blog to get my feelings out and to sort out my thoughts. I had a lot of emotions bottled up that I needed to get out, and the best way for me is to write it. I debated a lot about sharing this blog, and was nervous because I didn't know what types of reactions I would get from people, or if anyone would even read it. But to my surprise, I have gotten outpouring of love and heartfelt messages from so many people, I am really so thankful for. It really lifts my spirits and keeps me on a positive track.